In the next life where no sorrow could reach you nor I
by MillaMaxwell12
Summary: Modern AU! -Merlin goes mad after so many centuries have past and its now 2015; but he finally found what he has been looking for but at what cost?- Merlin's POV. Warning -TRAGEDY-


_Second after second. Minute after minute. Hour after hour. Day after day, and years after years….How long has it been? Since what has fallen all those centuries ago? What is missing? Someone is missing….? Am I? or...who is who? I don't remember what my name is….ahh its Merlin. That's my name but...what exactly am i waiting for or who am i waiting for...I don't remember except gold, red and babe blue. I think I don't want to remember. I don't..want to._

As I sit here on a bench while it's raining and people going into hiding underground, I repeat the same thing trying and un-trying to remember what/who im waiting for. I sigh and look up to look around and people are screaming to get into hiding, _Ahh...a war broke out with everyone. What did they call it? There you go, World War Three, I think? If I remember correctly, the governments all over the world had an disagreement and shouting at each other, trying to get their point of view across but none will hear it and they agreed on war all over._ I look up and laugh as bombs, airplanes, smoke, and soldiers dance and kill in their way, and what's in front of them and dead bodies everywhere.

I hunch over, while standing over, and laughing historically. "Hahaha what a life this TURN out to be! What a bunch of stupid,...stupid people.." I open my eyes and saw a little girl i met three hours ago, giving me a flower. _Her eyes are open_. I also saw her body twist in a awkward way and it looks like she's staring at _me._

I stood straight up and look up at the sky. I close my eyes while rain and smoke air hit me. _Is this what you wanted, destiney? Total chaos? Death everywhere I look? You want me to go beserk? And kill everything i set my eye's too? Close my heart off, lock it away in the depth of my being, but my crazy joyness and darkness out while I kill?...then,_ I snapped my eyes open, with joyness and darkness out and grinned at the sky with madness, "I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU, DESTINEY! GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT AND SEND SOMEONE OR SOMETHING AFTER ME! I'LL GIVE YOU A SHOW AND ENJOY KILLING THINGS AND PEOPLE WITH MAGIC! YOU MADE ME WHAT I AM! DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCE! HAHAHA!" I laughed like nothing mattered at all.

I put my arms down and felt my grin widened when I saw soldiers around me and having their guns point at me. _Oh! This should be fun!_ I held my hand out and waiting for their shots.

"Put the hand down!" Says a soldier with light brown hair with blue eyes and a gruffy voice.

"And if I don't? What would happened?" I mock innocently and cockying my head to the side while grinning when the soldier hesitated. _I feel like a crazed doll now…_

"I'...I'll kill you!" says the gruffy voice.

I grinned wider, "THEN DO IT, THEN!" I smiled when he back up and shot by accident. I felt my eyes go gold and the bullet reflect towards gruffy voice. I laughed when I heard the scream.

"WILL!" Says one of the other soldiers that ran towards the fallen soldier. _Will…? Sounds familiar for some reason….oh well! More fun for me._

The other soldier looked at me after the fallen soldier died but with hatred and sadness, _YES! More HATRED! MORE MADNESS! or sadness, that could also work._ I smiled when he was screaming and saying words that I don't care of. WHAT DID YOU, DO!? WHAT WAS THAT!? I'LL KILL YOU FOR KILLING HIM!"

I smiled at his determination and I saw all guns point at me. "I like to see you try, then." I smirked and saw him stood up and point a gun at me too. "Lets see it!" I yelled and brung my hands out and close my eyes.

Shots were heard everywhere. I open my eyes and they showed gold and the soldiers stepped back, shocked, scared, and hatred. _Ohh I love this._ I smiled as the bullets stopped after my eyes open. My smile turned into a smirk when I saw the soldier looked me. I mouthed only for him to see, " _Too bad for you, I can't die. Now please die." His eyes bugged out and panicked._

"SOLDIERS GET AWAY FROM HE-" The soldier looked down and up at me shocked and fell to the ground like the others around me and beside him.

I smiled like no end to it. I looked up and smirked, "SEE!? I TOLD YOU SO!" I look down and still saw people screaming and crying, trying to get away.

My eyes shown gold and i flicked my wrist when someone stabbed me behind. I heard crying and a falling body behind me. I turned around and saw blood drip down from behind me. I look down and saw a women with long, curly black hair, green eyes and pale like me. I look up to see a crying boy around.. _.6 years old? Oh well._ He looked at me with hatred and tears coming down and eyes blue and skin pale like the mothers.

I bend down towards the same height as him and spoke innocently and cold to the boy and he looked at me full of nice, lovely hatred and sadness. "Hello, there. Who might you be, little boy?" I grabbed his and gently and soothing my cold,pale thumb over his hand.

He jerked his hand away from me and I frowned at him and stood up while he looked at me. "Mordred, And you killed my mother!" He screamed a child's voice. I was shocked at the name but shook my head.

"Yes I did. But you're free now." I smiled but shook his head

"I want my mother back! GIVE HER BACK!" He started to cry and banged his tiny fist at me. _So boring. I'm bored now._

I smiled and patted his head. He slumped against me and started to cry. I bend down to lift his face. "Do you want to see your mother back?" I asked sweetly and soothingly, whipping his tears away. He nodded.

"Yes, yes please. Give me my mother back…" He asked soo innocently, I smirked.

"Then," He looked at me almost happily with hopeful. _Disgusting._ I got up and walked back two steps and smirked evilly. "Then join her a slow, painful death." My eyes glowed again and I saw his panicked, scared frighten face and he back away. I saw him engulfed in flames and his child voice screaming for help as he ran away panickedly and caught another person on fire.

"Hahahaha BURN!" I shouted and laughed. I walked around and my eyes stayed gold as I light buildings and people on fire. People blowing up into pieces while blood splashes all angles. Buildings blowing up while other people inside. People and animals necks snapped and fall to crumble.

Soldiers and people trying to kill me but couldn't and that's the joyness seeing them try. Looking at their faces of shocked, madness, hatred for one person. I Smiled and laughed while everything around me crumbles.

"Diediediediediediedie, DIE! I WANT TO SEE EVERYTHING DIE WITH HATRED IN THEM! HAHAHA!?"

I twirl around, swinging my arms around and flash gold. Making everything crumble, with my eyes full of hatred. Rain trying to wash everything away but wasn't enough to make it disappear. The smoke and fire to strong and so was the pollution that people made over the years.

 _Is this what freedom is like? I feel so...free with my hatred. But i feel like...I'm missing something or someone? Gold, red and….nonon Blond, red and baby blue eye's full of...proudness, hopeful, goodness, and….love? No that can't be right! Never mind._

I stopped when I saw five red capes walking but they stopped. I also saw that they had... _swords? What the fuck!? It's 2020 in modern day age? What are swords doing here? Never mind that but who are they? Do they want to di-_

"MERLIN! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?" Says a man thats shorter than the others and has dark skin. It sounds... _sad..why? Never mine._

I smirked, "Why you ask?" I said haughtily and coldly.

"YES! NOW ANSWER, DAMMIT!" Said the man.

 _Guess I should answer him then but he's getting really, really annoying. I should just end him but...I want to know his name for some reason… Shit! curiosity got better of me._ "Fine! I'll tell you! I Got tired of waiting for something and lost my mind! That's what destiney wanted!? Now your turn! Who are you?!" I clenched my hands into a fist and teeth. Trying to remember where I saw them.

"IT'S ME! EDWIN! D..don't you remember, Merlin?" The said dark skin-Edwin- says sadly. I saw the others that are next to him, are sad like they lost a very close... _friend. Nonono, I don't want to remember them! NO!_ I shook my head fiercely and clenching both hands on head and squeezing my eyes shut, trying to block out an image of a castle and red. I stopped shaking and breathed in and out and slowly stood up. Smirking coldly as I blocked the image.

"Sorry? And _Why_ should _I_ remember who _you_ are? You're just another pawn, are you not?" I said coldly with a chuckle as I saw the dumbfounded look on the soldiers faces. "HAHAHA! You should see the faces you guys ar..e wearing! HAHA, oh god!" I wiped the tear streaks off the face and saw their sadness, hatred and love. _I hate them!_

"Why can't you see reason, Merlin! It's us! Percy, Edwin, Lancelot, Leon! I'm Gwaine! Look around you, my friend! LOOK! You killed innocents, and children! WHAT HAPPENED? DO _YOU_ WANT TO BE CRUEL!? PLEASE STOP! Please Merlin remember the clumsy, sweet, nobl-" I interrupted the soldier.

" _I_ do not _care_ who you _are!_ I don't care about the innocents or children! AND You're in my way and I'm gonna kill you from interrupting my fun, _Gwaine!_ " I said with a hard cold glare. _But why does the names sound familiar._

A soldier interrupted my thoughts as he stepped in front the guy called Gwaine. "Merlin," I look up at him and saw sadness, sorrow in his eyes as he hardens and clenches his pointy sword at me, "Merlin, you leave us no choice in the matter. I hate to be doing this, but we have to kill you. Arthur won't like it one bit of it and we were sent by him to not kill you and save you but we have no choice. You won't listen to reason! Your corrupted and sad. We'll kill you to set you free, my friend."

A flash went through my head at the same of a name.

" _Hey, come on, that's enough."_

" _What?"_

" _You've had your fun, my friend."_

" _Do I know you?"_

" _Er, I'm Merlin."_

" _So I don't know you."_

" _No."_

" _Yet you called me "friend."_

" _That was my mistake."_

" _Yes, I think so."_

" _Yeah. I'd never have a friend who could be such an ass."_

" _Or I one who could be so stupid."_

The flashback ended and pain shot through my head and brain. I felt myself crumbled to the ground, clenching my head into a fist with hair and tears coming out. I didn't know who was screaming but my throat is getting hoarse. I felt hands on me and i tried to swat them away. I also heard voices, calling my name but I wanted to turn into a ball. Then darkness came and it was sweet oblivion.

I woke up again and saw the soldiers staring at me with panicked, scared, and sadness in the face and eyes. I scutch my face filled with coldness and my eyes shown gold. I blew them away and stood up with a major headache but Ignored it.

I saw them get up and ran with a battle cry with swords clutched in their hands. I smirked evilly. "Oh? You're gonna kill me now? Then," I rose my hand and shot fire at them, "Lets see how _this_ turns out!"

"MERLIN! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Says Gwaine as he ran with his sword. Screaming.

"NO! GWAINE! DON-" Too late, I felt my eyes glowed and saw him get thrown to the wall. But his hand still clenched on the sword and mumbling my name.

 _Damn it! Not,_ "Hard enough!" I clenched my teeth when I saw Lancelot and Percy running after me while Edwin ran to check o Gwaine.

I saw Edwin sigh, "He's fine!" he yells and I felt crumbled wood fall to the ground. I also saw that Lancelot and Percy, sigh and nodded.

"Stay there, Edwin!" Lancelot turns to me and glares with sadness. "Merlin! You almost killed your _friend!_ Has this ever occurred to you that if you kill us, you'll be alone? HAVE YOU!? ANSWER ME, DAMN IT!" Lancelot yells at me and I saw him flicked a shock of some kind but I shook my head and the his shock disappeared.

"Hahahaha! _Friends?_ You ask?" I stopped laughing and glared at him and smirked. "Friends.. _MY_ friends ALL died! One after another! For Centuries _I watched_ them _die!_ I WAS THERE! One after another. Loved ones leaving me alone! For a GOD DAMN ETERNITY, FOR FUCKS SAKES! I wonder why i'm completely mad now! YOU SEE THAT DESTINEY! ILL DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU GIVE ME!" I laughed so loudly i felt a little shake on the ground _or was it a rumble of some sort? I don't care anymore!_

I saw Lancelot was going to say something but Percy, laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and Lancelot looked at him trying to say something but Percy shook his head in sadness and sympathy. _I don't want to see them anymore! I hate their looks! Why? Whywhywhywhy, WHY?!_

Lancelot looked down and nodded sadly and looked straight at me, "We'll set you free, my friend! I hope in the next life we'll meet in a friendlier way." He stood straighter with Percy behind his back ready to fight.

"Heh! Don't call me a _friend!_ " My eye's shown gold and lightning shot through the sky, shooting where Lancelot was standing but missed. I through fireballs after another at both Percy and Lancelot but they are somehow not getting touched. _Their making me angier!_

I reached the depth of my being, bringing magic out and explode everywhere. I saw Edwin hit the wall next to Gwaine who grunted and opening one eye and holding his stomach in place. Edwin was still alive next to him but his foot was twisted. I also saw that Lancelot was pushed back and dropped to the ground on his stomach looking shocked. And finally Percy who slid on his back but couldn't get up because he was clinging his broken arm.

"HAHAHA! Told you, didn't I? I liked to see you try. There's no point of you guys coming and failing whoever sent you! I can't bloody die even if I wanted too! I pity myself but if destiny doesn't want this to happened, then why create me out of magic? I've forgotten who I was waiting for long before these _amateurs_ made a world war. Look everywhere, Lancelot, Percy, Gwaine, and Edwin, there is _NO_ paradise. No happiness, nor joyness! Only sadness, madness, and death is here. I went mad because _I_ don't want to feel anymore!" I said coldly.

"B-but what about Arth-" I interrupted Gwaine.

"There isn't a ' _But'_ Gwaine! THIS," I said smiling like mad and couldn't help laugh to see their faces, " _THIS_ is paradise! I'm free! Death follows me till everything is gone! THIS is what freedom should be, FULL of madness! HAHAHAHA!"

I stopped laughing and stared at them and smirked a grin, "Now let me grant you a dying wish. Your show has been drawn by the curtain. Any last words before I enjoy killing you one by one a slowly death? _No?_ Then, goodbye, Percy. Your first." I walked up to Percy, lifting him up from the ground with my magic, cutting the lungs slowly. _Even though I feel a bolder sink down heavenly down to the pit of my stomach, I don't want to kill them...Nononono, you can't think that, they were in your way! Kill them, now!_ I shook my head aggressively and loosening the grip of the lungs from magic. "Goodbye, Perc-" I then felt a cold blade against my throat and I dropped Percy to the ground. He was breathing hard by gulping air and holding his throat and coughing.

"Drop Percy now, _Mer_ lin."Says a different voice that I don't recognize.

"Already _did_. Who are you?" I said in a hiss as the sword scraped my throat as I said coldly.

" _Oh_? You dare to defy your king, Merlin." He said not a question but a statement. _Like he knows me...how?_ "You should know, Merlin, that I have to kill you. Why did you do it?" He said against my ear and said it in a sad voice.

My eyes glowed gold and he hissed at his shoulder and back away with his sword. Without realizing it, I was turning around grinning coldly but dropped to a frown when I saw the thing/who I was waiting or looking for. _Fare-blond-crown like hair, baby blue eye's like the sky and a red cape to signify he's the king._

Flashbacks came like a sudden bolt of lightning. _Nononono, Castle, red, magic, people, smiles. laughs, throne room, bedroom, a king whose back is turned towards me, he turns around and smiles "Merlin."_ I shook my head, trying to not remember. I felt strong arms around me but I pushed them back away from me and I stepped back and shaking me head in denial.

"Merlin, why are you doing this? Why are you destroying innocent lives and spreading _madness_? Damn it, Merlin, answer the question!" I looked at him with something else that I couldn't name. He looked at me with longing, sadness, and _love?_ "Answer me NOW, Merlin! I want to know, 'Why'?" He said it with a demand.

I shook my head and got my head straight again. _He wants to know why, then I'll give him the reason!_ I grinned coldly and said, "You want to know the reason why? Then I'll give to you the reason! _I'm tired_ of waiting for something/ or someone to find me or return! I watched for centuries after centuries, people dying leaving some else behind but soon they'll meet them too! I was jealous 'cause I didn't know what it felt like to die! I wanted to be with someone or something i have forgotten! I miss them so very much! I tried to follow but couldn't because I was stuck here for many many years! For gods sakes it 2015 already! I don't want to be alone and gladly, I keep forgetting who I was and waiting for. I couldn't stand it anymore! I lost it when All over the world began a war against each other because they had a stupid argument and mind as well go mad since I can't stand having feelings so I went mad! I couldn't stand it any-" I was cut off by strong arms wrapping me.

Without realizing it, I tried to pull away but they held me tighter. I felt tears dropping on my shoulders. I relaxed a little then cried like there's no end to it and I squeezed back. I didn't know how long I was standing there but rain fell harder on us and everywhere. I felt him let go and touch my cheek. I looked at him and he too looked at me and I saw tears i his eye's. I felt him leaned in and his lips touched mine. As he did that, I kissed back and closed my eyes.

I snapped my eyes open and all the flashback- _no memories. These memories…. Arthur… arthurarthur…_ then I realized what I have done and I pushed him away from me. I looked at him with names I don't know of. I saw he looked shocked and hurt. I shook my head and hands out while backing away.

"Arthur..Arthur, I'm so very sorry. Please forgive me. Im sorry…" I started to cry but still looked straight at him.

"Merlin, you idiot! It's okay. your okay. It's okay, Merlin."He said in a sweet, caring voice that I do not deserve at all.

"No. It's not alright, Arthur. I _killed_ innocents, for god's sakes! Look what I have done! I destroyed, I _changed_ Arthur. I'm corrupted because of , thats wrong, Arthur Im corrupted because _I'm_ magic itself. I _almost killed_ our _friends, Arthur!_ I need you to kil-" I was interrupted by Arthur.

"NO! No Merlin! I'm not gonna kill you for god's sakes! Look, We can find a way, Merlin! There's always a way. I can't kill you or lose you. Merlin please understand, I...I love you! I don't care about some destiny or some shit! I love you for who you are, Merlin. Please don't say that." He sounded hurt and It broke my heart to hear that. I saw his eyes pleading, love, sadness and hope for me to change my mind. But i shook my head and tears came out.

I turned around and looked at my friends who were staring at with eye of again sadness, hope, relief, and love. I mouth words for them to see, _I'm so sorry, guys. Please forgive me?"_ I saw them smile sadly and nodded. Gwaine looked on the verge of tears, _they all do._

I looked back at Arthur, "Arthur, there's nothing you can do. I love you too so very much, Arthur and I have always loved you since then and still now." I broke down in tears and Arthur came forward, shakingly wrapping his arms around me. I felt tears coming down on me and I squeezed him tightly as I could. He was kissing the temple of head while I nuzzle into his shoulder and neck to breath i his scent. "Arthur, you have to kill me. Only you and excalibur can do it. Arthur, waited for you so many years; and you came back to me finally." I felt him shaking and I squeezed him harder as he did to me. "I felt so alone, without our friends, Gwen, mother, Guais, and you, Arthur. I was scared that...that i would-" I felt his lips on mine and I kissed him.

He broke the kiss and our foreheads touched. "Shh, it's alright, Merlin. You're not alone anymore and won't be alone either. Merlin, do not be scared, you'll find peace in a second. Now, Merlin, close your eyes." I did just as he asked and sigh in relief as he hugged me. I felt the sword in Arthur's hand and his arms lifted upward. He whispered i my ear. _I love you, you Idiot. And I'll join you too."_

I gasped in horror of what he said and he stabbed the both of us in the chest with excalibur. _W...what did you..do Arthur._ He hugged me when we both fell on our sides to the ground. I saw him grunt and pulled me closer to him. I saw blood coming out of his mouth and I heard screaming of Arthur's and my names and stumbles of running feet but slow. I too felt iron blood coming out of my mouth. I breathed hard but pain shot through but I tried to ignore it and I saw he was trying the same.

"A...Arthur...wha..t di..d yo..u do, lov..e?" I saw him with a smug-pained face. I felt him lifting his hand from my side to my face; and I leaned into it.

"I al..so didn..t want to be….alo..ne with..ou..t you." He said with a soft and I smiled back. "Pl..plus we'll..see...every..on..e. I wa..t to tell yo..u In..the next..lif..e where no sorro..w could reach you..nor I." He said as our eyes slowly slip away.

I grabbed his hand with mine and squeezed it the best I could of very little strength I had left and I felt him do it too. I mouthed five words to him as he stared at me happily. " _I love you, clotpole"_

" _And I you, idiot. I love you, too."_ He kissed the top of my black hair and I snuggled against him even if the sword is in us. He sighs happily as did I and with a final squeeze with little strength we had in our hands, we both closed our eyes and smiled softly against each other and slept a dream like dream for the final.


End file.
